I have read for years about the truncated lives of Dan Osman, Alex Lowe, Sandy Irvine, Scott Fischer, Andy Harris, Goran Kropp, George Mallory and others. Every time I read about their untimely ends, it sends shivers up my spine. They had plans, goals, wants, 401Ks, families and loved ones. That could be me. I absolutely and positively love climbing and hiking. Those activities are part of who and what I am. They have become little bright pieces of my soul. However, it is very likely that I will die on the side of a rock face or on a lonely trail 50 miles from nowhere (and I fly a lot with my job and that activity is not without its own set of perils). That possible fact is something that I must deal with. I read an article excerpt from a book in the October 2003 issue of Outside (The Survivors) that really put my fear into prospective. What would happen to my children? I have this huge internal struggle between my drive and love of the outdoors and my love for my children. What of the 50 things at work and at home that I have yet to finish? What about hurtful things that I have said to people that I had wanted to take back? When someone passes on, for them it just a light going out, but for those behind there is pain, anguish, financial loss and emotional torment.

If I die an untimely death out in the wild, my projects will go unfinished. My children will grow up with out me, my friends will go on, words will go unsaid and my family will morn my loss. There will be the “What did you expect?” mutterings and I realize that I will be called and thought of as selfish over and over again.

I have two options: Stop doing the things I love, stop driving, stop riding my bike, take my showers sitting down, stop having sex, no more eating processed foods or meat, stop flying or traveling, throw away my guns and wear a helmet any time I get out of bed. What kind of life would that be?! They only thing that I can and should do about the possibility of leaving this life too soon is to prepare for it as much as possible. How does one go about that? Well, I have a file containing all of my financial and insurance information, I've left instructions for the disposition of my mortal remains and I've written letters to my family, friends and children. That done, I think that it is paramount to live each day as if it is my last: no loose ends, no messes (physical property or emotional) for someone else to clean up and talk to those you love often and let them know how you feel every single time you speak. The only thing left after all of that preparation is to try to keep my little ass as safe as possible, so all that planning will just be insurance that is never collected.

-- Matt